My brain's about to explode

Fuck Shit! It’s already 2:15AM and I can’t sleep. I’ve been thinking a lot of things. My brain’s about to explode already. I hope posting something here would help me fall asleep. Maybe I just need to rant these thoughts out of my brain.

It’s been a week or two now since the start of summer vacay and what do you know, never expected that the people here in the house would irritate me. I just don’t get people who just don’t get it. Can’t they actually feel that I don’t like being told what to do. I must admit I am stubborn but I do what I have to do. I don’t like people acting like they are holding my neck. I know what I am doing. I know what’s right and wrong. You don’t have to tell me over and over again. If I fail, so be it. As one of the popular commercial on TV said, “at least I’ve learned”.

Had an interview with a classmate’s sister for her thesis last Monday. Her thesis is about law school stress. There’s a question in the interview which I happened to forgot, led me into answering that I am still confused whether I really want to be a lawyer. Alright, you can shoot me in the head! I know, it’s been years now and still I am confused. I don’t know, but it’s how I feel. I really want to be a lawyer, but just thinking about the system IN and out of the lawschool makes me wanna puke. Plus the fact that sometimes I feel that the confidence I had when I entered lawschool is slowly becoming inversely proportional to what a normal law student’s confidence level is. I don’t know if the environment in school and with all the drama I just can’t ignore no matter how petty they are sometimes add to this predicament of mine.

Continuing with confusion in lawschool. I am likewise confuse if I should finish law school in four years, if given the chance. Call me nuts, but I don’t want to start another injustice for the injustice which some professors just threw out on me and some others. Taking up a removal exam in one of the subjects I failed or the possibility of doing away with it by just passing all my subjects last semester seems unfair, not only to those who had a passing mark but likewise to those who are not qualified to take the removal exam. That’s why I just can’t muster the drive to study for that fucking removal exam.

The thought of transferring to another lawschool is still an option for me. A new environment could be an escape with all the drama and injustice I have experienced. Though I know there’s drama and injustice wherever I’ll go, a fresh new environment I suppose would be great.

I’ll cut this entry short right now. I think I need to sleep it’s fucking 3AM and I really need to watch my health, which I think is a good subject for my next entry.

By the way, congrats to all the new lawyers and to the topnotchers!