Monday, January 7, 2008

Last Minute Mood Swing Syndrome

Arrgh! Iba talaga ang mood swings ko! Classes resume today, and here I am at 3:20AM still online making a post out of my "last-minute mood swing syndrome". Minsan I really can't understand myself na talaga. May times that because I am very much overwhelmed by an experience, I let it penetrate my senses fully to the point that wala na ko pakialam if I am making the right decisions. I have a very crazy personality talaga, and I damn hate it!

So 3:24 AM na! kamusta naman? talagang hindi na talaga ako papasok tomorrow. ALthough ulit lang yung topic for Insurance tomorrow, I just don't feel like going to school tomorrow. Parang ayoko muna pa makita mga classmates ko. Minsan ayoko nga makicommunicate sa isang law student eh. I find myself complicated na nga, tapos law student din makakaharap ko! haay! Ilang beses na sumagi sa isip ko ang mag-drop out of law school, but with the constant motivation from friends I'm still here and luckily I'm still a regular student, wala pa ko binabagsak! Minsan I am thinking din, that there are a lot of students that are more deserving to me na dapat wala pa binabagsak kasi masipag naman sila. Anyway, as I've said, many times have I thought of dropping law school but still I'm here. Sometimes kasi I am proud of saying out loud that, "Ok firm na ang decision ko, tutuloy na ko sa Law School!" Pero as I've said din sa ilang friends ko, ayoko ng nagbabakasyon talaga at natetengga sa bahay kasi hinahangin talaga ang utak ko. And itong nararamdaman at desisyon kong wag pumasok bukas eh, part ng pagkahangin ng utak ko! Haayzz! Nahihiya na talaga ako sa parents ko kung alam lang nila tong ginagawa ko! Nakuwento ko din nga sa isang friend kahapon na kaya din siguro hindi ako matuloy-tuloy mag-drop out eh dahil din sa mom ko, nakakahiya din kasi sayang din yung libong nagastos ko sa tuition, sa libro, sa allowance.

I wanted to be a lawyer. I know there's a lot of opportunities in store for me. I know, by being one, I can utilize my skills and bring to life my interests in writing and educating people, and doing community service. A question bugs my head, on whether lawyering is the best way to do all of these. I know one could argue that it's not. But I really want to finish what I have started and I hope I could continue everything all the way to the finish line!

Later at around 10AM, I'll go out and think, think and think. I even want to go to church and pray, so that by Tuesday I'll be ready to face my classmates and professors. I just need one last day out to release the tension inside me!

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