Un-Merry Christmas!

Alright! I must admit, KJ na kung KJ! Wala ng emosyon kung walang emosyon! But I just can't feel the Christmas spirit! Yes I do attend and sometimes organize Christmas parties, and I do greet some close friends, but honestly, Christmas is just an ordinary day for me.

Siguro nga tumatanda na ko.. Pero sa totoo lang, I want to go out at gumimik right now and tomorrow, but I can't. Sobrang pa-good shot muna ko ngayon. If you want to know how much I spent for clothes a few weeks ago, baka masampal mo ko! haha!! Although I used credit card, kakahiya talaga kasi di naman ako magbayad nun! Hehe!

I really tried to be merry this Christmas. But you really can't force your emotions. It's hard pa naman for me to pretend that I am happy, though I try to look happy sometimes. But at the end of the day, when you are all alone in your room, and there's nothing to watch on tv, no one's there to talk to on yahoo messenger, every good website you know have been visited and all you can do is hit the sack and turn the lights off.. Tadan! All the lonely thoughts come in, which so damn depressing! It kills me! Anyway ayoko ng madrama! Lalo na if I'm alone! I might slash of my wrists! Joke! haha! Of course I won't masakit! hehe!!

So it's Christmas day today.. Ito na siguro yung pinaka-walang emosyong Christmas ko. I've been to a lot of failures this year. Failure not only academically, but failure in my relationships, with friends, family and to those who have been romantically involved with me. Well ganun talaga, I can't have it all. But I know there are a lot of things to be happy about. New friends, New hopes, New realizations, and old friends who are still there for you.. Pero kokontra pa din ako, basta I don't feel it's Christmas!! Grinch na kung Grinch!! haha!!

At least, I get to spend another Christmas, and it only means I still have a chance to get a good one next year!

So long.. I just felt the need to write something..

P.S. I miss a lot of people.. Those people I get to spend Christmas in the past.. I just hope they're happy.. kahit sila na lang.. :(

On quitting...

My emotions do not make sense anymore. Grrr!! I hate to think that it's because, the major disappointment that everyone felt when our unofficial grades were released last week in WILLS, is actually sinking now. Well, Im not quite sure about it. What I am only certain is that the drive I have before the semester started, is slowly fading away. Except for WILLS, a lot of unexpected events totally destroyed my momentum. I'm talking about my relationships in and out of school. For the past few days, I've been thinking of quitting again.. I've been thinking of just escaping.. I know for myself that I have the ability to confront everything or everyone. Now, I'm hating myself because I just can't do it..

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As of tonight, I am still in doubt of someone.. I always wanted to talk yet I feel that this person doesn't want to. All along I thought that everything's fine, but actions speak louder than words. It's the problem with the culture we have. A culture which doesn't like confrontations.. I'm pissed because I cannot be myself. I should watch my words and just try not to offend or cause some misunderstanding.

It's cool to have so many friends.. Yet it's hard to maintain a friendship, for things would just get in limbo without you knowing it..

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Someone very close to me left me without even giving a warning.. I know, it's a choice that this person has to make and I respect that decision. But this person cannot even stand his/her ground. And being someone dear to me, I am torn. I don't know what to do. Grrrr!!! I am hyperventilating right now...

I want to help this person, yet I don't have the courage to do it. I don't even have the resources. And how can someone help one who don't even know what to do with his life?..

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I feel like quitting.. I feel like sacrificing my most cherished dream, just to give way.. I know I'm almost there, but with the turn of events, maybe it's time to leave, in the meantime..

BRING BACK MY SANITY!

Confusion strikes back again. I feel like I need a shift in my life right now. I just don't know what's happening to me again. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to talk.

In one of those stressful nights I just had, I thought of leaving all the things behind. Go to a place where no one knows me. A place where I can meet new people. People who, unlike me, have a lot of hang-ups. People, who can be satisfied with their lives..

I hope someone would help me bring back my sanity..

Law Student Passing-Probability

Which of the following students have the highest probability of passing his/her subjects?

a. A diligent and average law student.
b. A delinquent and a bright law student.
c. Neither.
d. Same level

My points of view, next entry.. :)

POV on Law School Injustice..

I ended up with a query on my previous entry on whether there really is 'injustice in lawschool'. Answering this from my observation and from my own experience, I would say that there really is Injustice in Law School.

Finding out that a lot of students in a certain subject failed and considering that these students are not those who, I can say are delinquents and are very much at par with others, one would really ask why they would fail the subject. I agree with the fact that a law student is not a master of every course that law school has to offer and thus it is not an assurance that one would pass a subject if he passed the other. But I believe that this fact would only hold true if there would be transparency in the grading system of the school. And I think the students concerned were not afforded such right to it.

Basic in constitutional law is the right to due process of every person. This is an enshrined right granted by the fundamental law of the land. The right which prohibits deprivation of life, liberty and property due process of law. Without thinking about the notion of 'being grade conscious', one would say that one's grade in every subject in law school is a law student's measure of survival. It is one's property right. It is not only one's property right, but as well as one's life, in that such property is inevitable for a law student's existence in law school. These rights must likewise be protected in such a way that justice must prevail. Justice as characterized by the labor law maxim of: "a fair day's pay for a fair day's work.", or similarly the popular bible verse in book of Matthew: "Give To each his due".

Despite these observation I have in lawschool, I am certain that if the people who think that they have the power to overturn justice, Someone out there has the supreme power to tilt the scales of justice in its right position. And as advocate of Buddhism, Karma lies ahead..

STRIKE 2!

And so I failed again for the second time in one of my subjects, Law on Intellectual property that is. I got 69! . Isn't that something I should be ashamed of!? Like insurance, I was somewhat expecting it, since I incurred a lot of absences, and I was SO DAMN LUCKY to get called in the recitation in one of those absences!

I felt bad when I got the news that I failed in a minor subject, AGAIN!, who wouldn't? I was not really surprised since I conditioned myself on all the possibilities, good or bad. But I am not ready to accept the fact that there was no break down of the grades. There was not even the slightest mark of transparency. One would ask how our grades were computed? What was the basis/es of our grades, when we didn't even know the results of the midterm nor the final exams?

Someone told me to ask a reconsideration of my grade. But I think I would just create another injustice when there are others who failed whose grades are above mine and are just behind a few percentage to pass.

So, as of the last count I already have 2 back subjects with an equivalent of 4 units. Well, I can still finish law school in 4 years, since I can overload a maximum of 6 units, but damn, it will be a hassle for me since there would be some conflict in my schedule if ever I would take those back subjects in the fourth year.

As I always say, which is so much a cliche, there are reasons why things happen.. And I know for sure that there are reasons if ever I wouldn't be able to graduate in four years time. And I am very much willing to accept it.

Now, just a thought..
Does injustice start in Law School? Well for me, it does..

Late Entry No. 2(Written a Month ago)

I never expected to get into another drama again. Well you really can't avoid it, and the best you can do is not to let it be a mental burden to you. I just realized that you can really get involved in an issue even if you are not doing anything related to it.

I am perfectly certain that I and a fellow friend of mine have nothing to do with the issue I am talking about. But we are wondering why the hell is wrong with those people who are treating us as if we don't exist. That is just unfair. What is worst is that when you want to settle things their the ones who drift away and ignore your efforts.

Late Entry No. 1(Written A Month Ago)

So I told myself that I don't want drama anymore, but what if you just can't get away with it? I always tend not to care with everything happening especially family matters. But sometimes not caring breaks my heart into pieces.

It's been a long time promise. A long time goal for me. I know it's almost on its way of coming into reality, yet I am torn by recent occurrences. I don't know whether these occurrences are signs. Signs that this isn't the right time.

Whether sign or not,I still feel bad. Feel a lot of regrets right now. Finding out the occurrences I said, makes me feel weak and somewhat feel I should have done more. I should have straightened things up a long time ago.

I know I made a choice, and I'm quite having a hard time with the choice I made, because it pains me when I know some people are struggling when I made that choice.