A XMAS DAY WALK-OUT

Christmas Day. Even before I got up and fixed myself, I can sense that a war has just broke out. All the while I thought there’s going to be a ceasefire, but it occurred to me that, this is a “no retreat no surrender” feat. And so I decided to walk-out..

Literally, I walked my way out of the war and continue walking wherever my feet take me.. Good thing the weather’s good! The breeze of the air is so calming! (Nakikisama sakin! Haha!)

I walked from our village, to Madrigal Avenue, to Alabang Town Center, until I get tired and my tummy complained. And so I rest for a while and have my first meal for the day.. Contacted some people to hang out with but, what do I expect? It’s Christmas Day! Am I nuts? Of course they’re with their families, celebrating Christmas! Lucky for them, Too bad for me! But one text message put a smile on my face. I just hope I won’t see those people who have seen me like I am not in my right mind. Well, I just closed a deal! Haha!!

I continued walking. I don’t know, there’s a sense of relief when I get to walk and just observe people passing by, and eavesdrop on them. As one blogger like me said, which I often experience as well, there’s a story created in my mind when I get the chance to observe people and places. It’s actually a gratifying experience when I am immersed in that situation.

Anyway, as I approached our home and about to end walking, I heard raindrops fell on our neighbor’s rooftop! Gee! I was just right on time!

Un-Merry Christmas!

Alright! I must admit, KJ na kung KJ! Wala ng emosyon kung walang emosyon! But I just can't feel the Christmas spirit! Yes I do attend and sometimes organize Christmas parties, and I do greet some close friends, but honestly, Christmas is just an ordinary day for me.

Siguro nga tumatanda na ko.. Pero sa totoo lang, I want to go out at gumimik right now and tomorrow, but I can't. Sobrang pa-good shot muna ko ngayon. If you want to know how much I spent for clothes a few weeks ago, baka masampal mo ko! haha!! Although I used credit card, kakahiya talaga kasi di naman ako magbayad nun! Hehe!

I really tried to be merry this Christmas. But you really can't force your emotions. It's hard pa naman for me to pretend that I am happy, though I try to look happy sometimes. But at the end of the day, when you are all alone in your room, and there's nothing to watch on tv, no one's there to talk to on yahoo messenger, every good website you know have been visited and all you can do is hit the sack and turn the lights off.. Tadan! All the lonely thoughts come in, which so damn depressing! It kills me! Anyway ayoko ng madrama! Lalo na if I'm alone! I might slash of my wrists! Joke! haha! Of course I won't masakit! hehe!!

So it's Christmas day today.. Ito na siguro yung pinaka-walang emosyong Christmas ko. I've been to a lot of failures this year. Failure not only academically, but failure in my relationships, with friends, family and to those who have been romantically involved with me. Well ganun talaga, I can't have it all. But I know there are a lot of things to be happy about. New friends, New hopes, New realizations, and old friends who are still there for you.. Pero kokontra pa din ako, basta I don't feel it's Christmas!! Grinch na kung Grinch!! haha!!

At least, I get to spend another Christmas, and it only means I still have a chance to get a good one next year!

So long.. I just felt the need to write something..

P.S. I miss a lot of people.. Those people I get to spend Christmas in the past.. I just hope they're happy.. kahit sila na lang.. :(