Dazed and Confused

An unexpected multiply user invited me to be his contact. His name is Ping Medina, thought he's related to the local veteran actor Pen Medina. I was right! I don't know how he stumbled upon my multiply site and wondered if he liked my site that's why he added me to be his contact.

I checked on his site and I felt that we could be good friends if we would have a chance to meet. We somehow have the same interests, I could say based from the stuffs in his site. Sounds lame and a little bit immature for some, but I want to think that finding his site is a sign. A sign that I should really grab every chance I've got to do what I really want to do in my life. Ping is into film and photography. And I want to do the same thing for quite a long time now. But look where I am, still a slave into this fucking law school prison cell. Don't get me wrong, I really wanted to be a lawyer, but I want to do film and photography. I know I had to choose, and I chose to stay in Law School. But right now I don't know if I made the right choice. If you'd ask me right now if I am happy with what I am doing you'll just probably get a NO for an answer. And for sure I am not.

Quitting lawschool would really quite make a stir on the people close to me, most especially my family. Yeah, it may sound stupid of me to quit when I am in my last year (well probably). But this is how I feel right now. I want to pursue what I really want to do. I've been missing a lot of things. And I don't know if I am even losing the time and opportunity to drive myself out of lawschool and venture in what I want in life. They say there shouldn't be any regrets in this life, but who are they to say that? Who are they to stop a person from looking back and saying what-if? Who are they to say that one cannot go back to where he was before and start anew?

I wanted to be a lawyer to help a lot of people, but I also wanted to capture into photos and film life. I want to tell stories through film and photos. Some say in this life you got to make a choice and for sure it ain't easy, it's driving me nuts. Haay, if only I could do both.

Borrowing from an 80's movie, I'm damn 'dazed and confused'..

By the way Ping has a resto in Tomas Morato you might want to check it out, it's "PENPEN"

My brain's about to explode

Fuck Shit! It’s already 2:15AM and I can’t sleep. I’ve been thinking a lot of things. My brain’s about to explode already. I hope posting something here would help me fall asleep. Maybe I just need to rant these thoughts out of my brain.

It’s been a week or two now since the start of summer vacay and what do you know, never expected that the people here in the house would irritate me. I just don’t get people who just don’t get it. Can’t they actually feel that I don’t like being told what to do. I must admit I am stubborn but I do what I have to do. I don’t like people acting like they are holding my neck. I know what I am doing. I know what’s right and wrong. You don’t have to tell me over and over again. If I fail, so be it. As one of the popular commercial on TV said, “at least I’ve learned”.

Had an interview with a classmate’s sister for her thesis last Monday. Her thesis is about law school stress. There’s a question in the interview which I happened to forgot, led me into answering that I am still confused whether I really want to be a lawyer. Alright, you can shoot me in the head! I know, it’s been years now and still I am confused. I don’t know, but it’s how I feel. I really want to be a lawyer, but just thinking about the system IN and out of the lawschool makes me wanna puke. Plus the fact that sometimes I feel that the confidence I had when I entered lawschool is slowly becoming inversely proportional to what a normal law student’s confidence level is. I don’t know if the environment in school and with all the drama I just can’t ignore no matter how petty they are sometimes add to this predicament of mine.

Continuing with confusion in lawschool. I am likewise confuse if I should finish law school in four years, if given the chance. Call me nuts, but I don’t want to start another injustice for the injustice which some professors just threw out on me and some others. Taking up a removal exam in one of the subjects I failed or the possibility of doing away with it by just passing all my subjects last semester seems unfair, not only to those who had a passing mark but likewise to those who are not qualified to take the removal exam. That’s why I just can’t muster the drive to study for that fucking removal exam.

The thought of transferring to another lawschool is still an option for me. A new environment could be an escape with all the drama and injustice I have experienced. Though I know there’s drama and injustice wherever I’ll go, a fresh new environment I suppose would be great.

I’ll cut this entry short right now. I think I need to sleep it’s fucking 3AM and I really need to watch my health, which I think is a good subject for my next entry.

By the way, congrats to all the new lawyers and to the topnotchers!

Taking the Big Leap

2008 I believe could be one of those years in my existence that I would have to make a big leap!

I'm almost done (well hopefully!), with my 2 years of Law School and I am thinking of taking a time off. I feel like I need a break to release the stress that the toxic law school has caused me. Another thing, I wanted to experience working. I just don't know, it's like I want to breathe a new air. I want a new atmosphere, an atmosphere that is not as stressful as law school. An easy atmoshphere where I could just have coffee and converse just about anything with people in it.

NAKAKASAWA! that could be the right term to describe what I am feeling about Law School right now. I am still a regular student, with no failing grades, and with that one could say that, "Oh sayang naman! if you're going to take a leave of absence!", and other things for that matter, but I want to give myself a chance to grow, to really stand on my own (somehow!), and I think by working I could have that!

It has been quite a number of times that I have turned back on a job offer, I always back-off when I am almost there! I guess it's time to get away with my justifications of not taking the opportunity! Baka in the end wala na!..

I guess this really is the right time to take the big leap!.. I guess it's time to leave behind as of the moment those things that I have been used to, the unrelenting support my Mom is giving me, financially and emotionally, my law school buddies who in one way or another I have shared my life with, which just happened. Those people who I have cared for yet at the middle of being together I have been untrusting and questioning their loyalty. I guess its time to prove that I am wrong.. I guess its time to really stand on my own, renew myself so that when I go back next year, I am surely ready to continue another two years of my dream!