GUILT-STRICKEN

They say that be careful what you wish for because you might get it. At one point when I have experienced, I think the greatest catastrophe in my whole academic life, I wished that those people who have somewhat have been responsible directly or indirectly pay for whatever their participation they had. For the pains they have caused me. Now, I must say, I am feeling that the wish I once asked for is coming to reality. But I do not feel glad about it.

My conscience keeps on bugging me. Those devilish thoughts, those curses I made are uncalled for! So inhumane!

Those people involved are now suffering the pain, I've wished they would have felt during the times that I am feeling and enduring them. I can rightly see through their eyes, and it pains me to see them that way.

I don't know. I know I could say that, Karma strikes back in the right time. But I feel so bad about myself when I did not feel contented of the notion of karma, and instead wished or worse cursed them.

I could cite a lot of reasons to free myself from the guilt I am feeling right now. The fact that these people could really deserve the pain they are feeling. The fact that they themselves might have done something wrong. The fact that they are the ones to blame for they are still in control of whatever the consequences of their actions or inactions.

But then again whether or not these reasons/justifications are true or not, I can't erase the fact that at one point I have wished/cursed that these people would bear the pain they have right now.. The pain that these people directly/indirectly caused. The pain that I have endured for quite sometime.. The pain that at one point I thought caused by the people who at one point I considered so dear to me..

The thought of detaching has already sunk in my senses and the less I could do is to glance and look back at those moments when everything's just fine.. Detachment, has already began, this might be a very difficult decision, but I think this is the only way to continually move on in these times when I don't even know who I can count on in the end..

As I've said in the opening line of this post that, we should be careful what we wish for, for we might get it.. Having said that, I am certain that I'd be careful from now when I wish for something to happen.. And I want to start by saying that: I wish that tomorrow's a brand new day for me. No more guilty conscience. No more hang-ups. Totally detached emotions. And just a more focused me this second semester of my third year!